Rains - Romantic?

"We see only what we wanna see"

So, I'm a 'water' sign -- Cancer. But, apart from having personality traits like my element water; I'm not particularly fond of it. And I certainly do not find the rains romantic. Cancerians are ruled by the moon. But i have no affinity to the moon either. In terms of romance, it does not tingle me when someone says -- No matter how far apart we are, we will both look at the same moon and under it, we both will feel 'closer'. Blah!!

For me, there is no "walking or singing in the Rain". And there is no 'crying' in the rain to hide my tears either. The gathering of the clouds and the grey-gloomy ambient light do not bring out the best in me. It only makes me sad and pathetic; which for the most part I already am. Kidding. But frankly, I do not need the blazing hot sun to hide behind the clouds to feel that way. I'm happy with it shining on my face. My friend once told me, do not move to Canada; it's always grey there. So I'm guessing I will avoid that to save myself from some seriously depressing days.

The monsoon has just hit India and I'm already looking for excuses to not step out of the house that much. The rains should bring out this beautiful fragrance that I used to love when I was a kid. But, yesterday I stepped outside my house after a drizzle and I could only smell -- concrete. Errrrrr! And I must tell you, this is not a good smell. I turned a corner and saw that the smell of the garbage lying around was heightened even more because of the drizzle. Is that romantic? I don't think so.

Would you really walk hand-in-hand with your lover, feeling all the butterflies in your stomach dancing around; while the rains are pouring cats and dogs on you? I guess not. Yes, you could hide under an umbrella and koochie-koo; but, with the rains, the winds will start blowing harder and your umbrella will fly away. What is so romantic about a flying umbrella when you need it the most? Imagine this, your umbrella just flew away. Suddenly, there is a loud noise. It is the roaring thunder and the cracking of the lightning that gives you an excuse to pretend to be scared and hold your lover tightly. You gasp. Just then, a car passes by and splashes muddy water that drenches the two of you. Tell me, what can be more unromantic than that. Hugging someone and having the bad taste of mud in your mouth, all at the same time. 

So, no. I don't find my romance in the rains. I do not feel like dancing around the trees when it pours. But, maybe you do. I told you, it's all about what you wanna see.

SOMETIMES SAYING IT OUT LOUD MAKES IT REAL

Do you need a lover or a companion or just another person to complete you ? Or is a person complete in himself without the love of your life ?Did the creatures from Plato's symposium ever exist ? Is finding the other half the reason why we keep wandering endlessly ? Is that our only aim in life ? So many questions! So many unanswered questions !

So yes I'm a bit emotional today . I'm a cancerian . Its second nature for us moody crabs to over think and to stress about the things that may or may not be true. Sometimes saying something out loud makes it real OR you start to believe that it has become your truth because you said it out loud .
Either way, you're just protecting yourself . Laying the bricks one by one and constructing a wall around you . Separating yourself from the world and cutting yourself from the experience that life has to offer .

If something has ended what do you take from the whole experience ? Does every special friendship have to conclude or flourish into a relationship ? Do the memories that you create together , the emotions that you feel with someone become things that you easily move on from ? Things that you don't want to process any longer or have memories of .

Do you remember, you were emotional once upon a time too . Maybe you've trained yourself well now . You are older than you used to be , more experienced than you used to be . You have been pushed around more than you were before . You're used to it now . Are you ? Does it become easier with age , with more experience to start to easily disconnect ?

So how do you get hold of your emotions ? How do you rationalise what's right and what's wrong ? You don't . You let it come to you and go through the sickening feeling and then you come out of it , stronger . You have to learn to be by yourself . Finding a partner , a lover , someone who'd be there with you all your life is probably wrong . Love is a bonus .

Do you ever really understand if you are in love ? Do you know for sure that whatever you felt was love ? But without love you still are a complete person. You don't need another person to complete you. I was reading once that you cannot make someone stay with you forever . You can't be jealous of situations that don't go according to how you would like them to be. If that person has to leave there is very little you can do about it . Love is a fabricated emotion. Love is .... I wish I knew !

TREAT ME LIKE SHIT AND I WILL LOVE YOU TO BITS

Why the bloody hell was I designed to be so insecure ?

Are you listening ? I'm having trouble in loversville .

You're not giving me as much attention as I want and of course I don't want to keep messaging you and bugging you or you're gonna start to drift in another direction . So instead I'm gonna write to all the readers who might stumble upon my profile and tell you what I want to write . I'll put it out in the universe and imagine it is you I'm writing it to .

Hey you , please give me more attention than you do at the moment . Just send me a good morning and good night message and maybe we can talk a bit sometimes . Show me that you're there for me and I'll stop going all crazy in my head thinking things out .I like you and sometimes it hardly takes any time for my liking to turn into love . I'm that stupid . I've never seen you but I hear you , I write to you , I think of you and I miss you. From your busy schedule take out one moment to write to me , spend one penny to text me ( with technology these days you wouldn't even have to do that ) , walk one step closer to me ! Has the distance between us made me invisible ? I saw you online for a bit , yet you did not write to me . I wrote you a message before I fell asleep, I wrote you another just when I woke up . And I kept thinking about you through the night . You're mature and you're more stable and sane but probably I'm not . How can I make you understand that ? When will you realize this .


They say Pisces and Cancer is a heavenly match and they will eventually complete each others sentences , thats how strong their connection is . Im trying my best to be less and less restless .
I can't help but not tell you that when I sleep alone in my bed at night , I think of you . I think of the big bed and the empty space around . I think of which of the two is a bigger expanse , the space that I take up or the space that's around . I think of how it would be if I had your arms wrapped around my body , if our legs were intertwined and there was lesser empty space in my bed .That doesn't mean I don't think of you through the day . Whenever there is a text from someone I hope its yours , I hope that it is some news of you . My heart skips a beat or two . My breath becomes shallow and my lung capacity reduces , they now take in very little air and tire me. Don't you think we get used to particular situations and specifically particular emotions . Do you feel them to the same extent each time , probably sometimes even though you wouldn't want to .Do you keep doing it over and over and make a habit out of it ? People treat you like shit over and over again and sometimes if in a particular situation that doesn't happen , would you start to believe its not love ?

So does it mean that people treating you like shit is love for you now ? Think about it !