So yes I'm a bit emotional today . I'm a cancerian . Its second nature for us moody crabs to over think and to stress about the things that may or may not be true. Sometimes saying something out loud makes it real OR you start to believe that it has become your truth because you said it out loud .
Either way, you're just protecting yourself . Laying the bricks one by one and constructing a wall around you . Separating yourself from the world and cutting yourself from the experience that life has to offer .
If something has ended what do you take from the whole experience ? Does every special friendship have to conclude or flourish into a relationship ? Do the memories that you create together , the emotions that you feel with someone become things that you easily move on from ? Things that you don't want to process any longer or have memories of .
Do you remember, you were emotional once upon a time too . Maybe you've trained yourself well now . You are older than you used to be , more experienced than you used to be . You have been pushed around more than you were before . You're used to it now . Are you ? Does it become easier with age , with more experience to start to easily disconnect ?
So how do you get hold of your emotions ? How do you rationalise what's right and what's wrong ? You don't . You let it come to you and go through the sickening feeling and then you come out of it , stronger . You have to learn to be by yourself . Finding a partner , a lover , someone who'd be there with you all your life is probably wrong . Love is a bonus .
Do you ever really understand if you are in love ? Do you know for sure that whatever you felt was love ? But without love you still are a complete person. You don't need another person to complete you. I was reading once that you cannot make someone stay with you forever . You can't be jealous of situations that don't go according to how you would like them to be. If that person has to leave there is very little you can do about it . Love is a fabricated emotion. Love is .... I wish I knew !
